December 19, 2012

I went in for an ultrasound. It turns out I had indeed ruptured the membrane of the presenting baby.  The baby had no fluid left. And the baby's heart had stopped beating. My baby was dead. The remaining baby looked amazing. Strong heart beat, good movement. We were saddened beyond belief that we lost one child. Our sole solace was that at least we had one baby alive and well.

That evening around 8:30pm, I started feeling a lot of pain. It felt like very intense menstrual cramps. My doctors had told me menstrual-like pain was normal since the blood was irritating the uterus so I didn't think too much of it. However, the pain started intensifying and coming in at regular intervals. I started counting the pain. It would last 30-40 seconds and come in every 2-3 minutes. Never having delivered a baby before, I couldn't be sure what I was experiencing. But deep down I knew what it was. And I didn't want it to be true. So I turned off the lights and fell asleep.

I woke up 3 hours later. I couldn't hide from the pain anymore. It stopped coming in at regular intervals. Now it was just there and wouldn't go away. I went to the bathroom thinking perhaps I was constipated. I sat on the toilet and pushed. I felt a sense of déjà vu. I told myself, "If I deliver my baby now, I'm going to do it right this time." Sure enough, I soon see a mass coming out of my vagina. This time, however, I knew right away what it was. I pushed and said, "Oh honey, honey. Don't be scared. You're Mama's got you." I delivered a beautiful baby girl. Her mouth, however, was wide open and she was clutching her neck as if she had been gasping for air when her fluid ran out. She looked so sad and pained. My heart broke. My poor baby girl.

I then realized the other baby was still inside and I needed to get help right away. I wrapped my daughter in tissues and put her in a tissue box. My husband drove like a maniac to the hospital. We got there and I jumped out, tissue box in tow, while my husband parked the car. I ran inside screaming, "Help me! Please someone help me! I need a wheel chair! I need to get to Labor and Delivery." It was past midnight and the lobby was empty except for a security guard who came to my aid.

I get to Labor and Delivery and I take a big sigh of relief. I am here. I still have a baby alive inside of me. The doctors will help me. I am taken to a room and my vitals are checked. Then five young doctors come into the room. I don't even get a chance to speak. They said, "You delivered one baby. The other is still inside. We need to induce you to terminate the pregnancy. The risk of infection is too high." I couldn't believe it. My world came crashing down. I could barely see straight. My thoughts were scrambled yet I managed to say, "But I've read case studies.. I've read about the stitches... The cerclage.. About delayed interval deliveries. There must be something you can do." They shook their heads. I refused an induction and they left. They didn't do anything for me. No antibiotics. They didn't even ligate and tuck the cord that was hanging from my vagina after I delivered my daughter. I was left with a nearly 10 inch cord dangling from me that would dip into the toilet every time I had to use the bathroom. There was no way I could avoid an infection like this.