My luck has turned!!

The cycle worked, platelet transfusion and all! We transferred two gorgeous embryos and they both took. Baby A was a girl, Baby B was a boy. Same gender, same positioning like last time. I only had some mild bleeding at 12 weeks, but it resolved in 2-3 days. The pregnancy proceeded without any pprom and I was induced at a hearty 37 weeks 2 days. The babies were born at over 5lb each, healthy, and most importantly ALIVE. My babies are now two months old and home where they belong. I feel as if I got my babies back. I am the luckiest woman in the world!!!! My luck has most definitely turned. Thanks to all of you who followed my blog. Wishing you all the most of luck and joy!

September 19, 2013

I don't know whether to laugh or cry! I stopped using the Nystatin cream and the very next day the irritation returned so back to the Gynecologist's office I went. She took a quick peek. No swab, no checking for infection, no urine analysis, nothing. Just a peek. And her conclusion? Nothing is wrong. My privates are just irritated. To go home and put cornstarch down there 3 times a day. Yes, cornstarch. Oh my.

IVF Cycle # 3 is a go. I've started the birth control pill, starting stims next month, and the extraction/transfer will be around Halloween. RE and Hematologist had a chat and Hematologist is adamantly insisting on the platelet transfusion. RE is presenting my case to the IVF committee tomorrow and he'll ask the other team doctors their thoughts on the platelet transfusion and he'll go with what the consensus is. Whether to do it just at extraction or also on the transfer day. But it is indeed looking like I'll be doing a transfusion at least once so RE's nurse is having me schedule an Anesthesia Consult preemptively next week. Still hoping for a miracle to avoid the transfusion...

September 5, 2013

So I went back to the Gynecologist today. Irritation had cleared after 2 days on antibiotics but returned on day 5. Swab showed the BV gone but yeast was having a party. Doctor prescribed Nystatin-Triamcinolone Ointment  three times a day for 10 days. Thanks antibiotics!

IVF # 3 is set in motion. I met with RE a few weeks ago and we're a go. To my surprise, he thought the platelet transfusion was borderline hocus pocus. He's still hashing it out with the Hematologist to decide whether to do it or not. Hopefully, they'll come to an agreement soon because IVF # 3 will at long, long, long last kick if a week or so. Here's keeping my fingers crossed this actually works.. with simplicity and lack of drama. Because I'm tired of being the 2% of the 1% of the 5% of the 2%. I want to bring home a baby and here's hoping the odds are in my favor this time around.

August 30, 2013

Two words: Bacterial Vaginosis. No joke. Three days ago I woke up feeling something not quite right down there. It felt like a mild burning discomfort, some itching, some creamy discharge. Gross. I know. It didn't bother me much, however, and I hoped whatever it was would clear up on its own. But a day passed then two then three and this annoyance was still there. I was going to get some good old Monistat and see if that would do the trick but I figured the stakes were so high at this point I better go to the Gynecologist to be super safe. It was a nice, sunny day and I almost cancelled my appointment at the last minute figuring I'd probably be wasting the doctor's time and I'd rather be out enjoying these last few days of summer. But I dragged myself to the hospital and surprise surprise surprise. Visually and symptomatically nothing seemed to be too amiss. But she took some swabs and looked under a microscope and came back with a shocking diagnosis: Bacterial Vaginosis. Not expecting that at all. Couldn't help but tremble with fear. After I lost the babies, the autopsy report showed the placentas had just about every infection under the sun and BV was right up there as a culprit. I can't help but wonder if I had proceeded to do a cycle and if it actually had worked, would I have lost that baby too because of this BV? BV is nasty and can cause pprom. Thank goodness it got diagnosed now not later. But what if it comes back? The MFM doctors I met with said that's not something they regularly screen for during pregnancy. It could in theory recur and just lurk there undetected and de ja vu pprom. I'm terrified. If this cycle actually works, I'm going to have to beg for BV screening from my MFM. And how the heck did I get it in the first place? Doctor couldn't tell me how it came about nor how to prevent it. Only advice was go stock up on white, cotton, granny panties. Sexy. Anyways, on Flagyl for 7 days. Fabulous.

August 6, 2013

Platelet transfusion it is! The Hematologist called me today with the results of the Platelet Aggregation Study and he says my platelets do not respond properly to epinephrine. He said when you put this in the context of my clinical history and the results of other lab work, he feels confident in diagnosing me with a Platelet Aggregation Disorder. He says that is more in line than Von Willebrand Disease in my case. If the Platelet Aggregation Study had been normal, he would have gone with a diagnosis of mild Von Willebrand and given me the medication to help my blood clot properly. Darn platelets! I would rather take a medication than do a transfusion. Anyways, Hematologist says I will need a platelet transfusion at the time of egg retrieval and embryo transfer. I must admit I am not thrilled about this. I was hoping he'd say I was fine and dandy and send me on my way. Platelet transfusions sound scary. I'm envisioning infections, diseases, allergic reactions.. oh dear. Let's see what my RE says. Hopeful thinking but maybe he'll say the Hematologist is crazy and toss the platelet transfusion idea out. I'm meeting him in 2 weeks to hopefully finalize the game plan for my next IVF cycle. This better be it because I'm ready to go and I'm getting tired of waiting!

And the pain in my lower abdominal went away! I went for my annual exam. My doctor did a pelvic exam and ultrasound and found nothing wrong with me. She said I was probably just "aging". Oh yes. Very comforting. I'm aging.

July 11, 2013

So I heard back from the Hematologist. It's been seven months since my loss and I'm still not clear for IVF # 3!!! Argh! Anyways, he says indeed my Protein C is low but not low enough to be concerned so he is dismissing that angle. The new angle is excessive clotting is not what caused the subchorionic hematoma. Far from it! What he suspects, based on clinical history and blood test results, is that I have excessive bleeding that does not clot properly. His take is when we did the IVF transfer, it punctured my uterus and I bled a large amount of blood into my uterus. The uterus he says is not like a joint. There is no pressure in there to help it consolidate and clot. So I had all this blood in my uterus and what blood tends to do when it is just sitting there is clot.. hence the formation of massive subchorionic hematomas. Also along the same lines he says all the blood in my uterus hindered the implantation of the embryos such that they never properly implanted. Woah. He is having me come back again to do a very specialized blood panel to observe how my platelets clot. After that, he says, we should have a game plan in place. The plan will be one of the following:

1- At the time of extraction and transfer, do a platelet transfusion... This does not sound fun!

2- Take a special drug at the time of extraction and transfer to increase certain factors in the blood to help it clot. This would be a way to avoid excessive bleeding into the uterus that could in theory coagulate into menacing subchorionic hematomas. I must say this sounds intriguing!

3- Do nothing!!!

In other health news, I've been having mild lower pelvic pain for several days now. I called my RE and spoke with his nurse. She said to go to my Gynecologist if it persists. I happen to have my annual scheduled next week. Knowing my luck I tremble at the thought of what this could be. Crossing my fingers it's nothing serious!

July 6, 2013

When I lost my babies, I bled a ton. I became severely anemic and was put on iron tablets before I left the hospital. I took three tablets a day for weeks and weeks. Just so happens today I received a letter in the mail from my pharmacy. It says, "...the United States Food and Drug Administration (FDA) issued a notice regarding a voluntary recall of Ferrous Sulfate 325 mg tablets. This recall was issued because the product may contain Meclizine Hydrochloride 25 mg tablets." Come on. Give me a break already!

June 27, 2013

Thought I'd share my recent medical drama albeit unrelated to my infertility issues. My knees have been causing a lot of pain so I've taken to wearing stiff braces on both legs. Not comfortable but it seems to work. If that wasn't funny looking enough, I went on vacation to visit my parents and accidentally let their dog out. While running after him, I took a nasty fall and sprained my hand. So add now a hand brace. And here's the kicker. I was out enjoying a hot day in the water and rubbed my eye too hard apparently because I ended up in the ER for a corneal abrasion. Add now an eye patch. Seriously.

Visited the Hematologist yesterday. 21 vials of blood taken. Should hear back in a couple days if he found anything. If all clear, I am good to go for IVF # 3.

Thought I'd also share I've now met with three MFMs at different establishments. It's interesting because they all have a different take on the loss. But the general consensus is the bleeding acted like a wick that lured infection into the uterus. Once infection set it, the body reacted to save itself and remove the pregnancy by rupturing the membrane. In the absence of bleeding, they say I have a good chance of carrying a pregnancy to term. The chance of this happening again is between 16-20%. Not an insignificant statistic by any means but here's hoping the odds are in my favor next time.

June 5, 2013

Life is actually getting better emotionally. I still think about my babies every day. Tears crop up every now and then. It's really hard to see pregnant ladies as my due date approaches... knowing that could have been me. Feeling my belly from time to time and realizing nothing is there anymore breaks my heart. Seeing newborn boy/girl twins is especially rough. Knowing mine are only ashes in a box in my room instead of happy, bouncing, living, breathing babies. But I'm still motivated. I'm not giving up. I'm working really hard to set everything up to try again. I'm ready emotionally but physically not quite yet unfortunately. Our RE  ran a bunch of blood tests... 18 vials and counting. There was an anomaly in the protein C result so he is having me meet with a Hematologist in a few weeks. We'll see if that leads anywhere. Otherwise, everything blood-wise was normal. We also did a hysteroscopy and uterus looked good. No scar tissue thank goodness. But I was in for a surprise. The endometrial biopsy showed chronic inflammation of the uterus. AKA endometritis. Not fun. I was put on two super power antibiotics for two weeks. It sucked. And just when I thought I was finally in the clear, a good old yeast infection courtesy of the antibiotics has appeared. Yay! Hopefully I'll be given the thumbs up by my RE to try again soon provided Hematology gives me the clear and there are no more surprises.

February 1, 2013

It has been 6 weeks since I lost my babies and I was still bleeding. Concerned, I went in to see my OB. An ultrasound revealed I had 'retained products of conception.' I opted to do a Karman Biopsy to try to get the pieces out. The same procedure I vowed last April never to do again. It wasn't as painful as last time. I guess my body has become numb to pain. My doctor pulled out a mass larger than a golf ball and sent it down to the lab. She thinks she got all of it out. I have to go back in next week for a follow up ultrasound to make sure nothing was left behind. If stuff is still left, I will need to do a D&C. She prescribed a drug to help my uterus clamp down and stop the bleeding.

I picked up the drug from the pharmacy and took it when I got home. Soon thereafter, I started feeling very dizzy and short of breath. I started hearing ringing in my ear. Then I started feeling chest pain. We raced to the ER thinking I was going to have a heart attack. The doctors in the ER examined me and concluded it was due to the drug. It was a vasoconstrictor and people who take it have a slight risk of heart attack. They told me I react severely to this drug and never to take it again.

Seriously... How much worse can my life get???

January 5, 2013

I picked up my babies' ashes today. They funeral home messed up my daughter's cremation certificate and urn. They put she was a boy. My poor children. I opened their urns when I got home. I wanted to see their ashes. My son's remains still had bone pieces inside. I broke down. That was once my baby.

December 21, 2012

The induction lasted almost 40 hours. I felt my baby kicking right through till the end. He was a fighter and did not want to die. I took no pain medication. I wanted to feel as much pain as my babies were feeling. We were together in this until the end. As the 40th hour approached, the doctors started talking about a D&E since the labor was taking so long. I refused. The least I could do was give my baby a proper birth. They said they'd give me one more hour. Feeling under pressure,  I excused myself and went to the bathroom. Like with my daughter, I started pushing. And soon saw two sweet little feet coming out of my vagina. I came back outside and the doctors completed the delivery on the bed. My son was perfect. He was still warm. I couldn't believe I had just felt him kick inside me less than five minutes ago. And now he was dead. He looked so confused. Like, "What just happened?" His hands soon came to rest near his heart and we held him for a good while. I just lost two children in one week. How could life be so cruel???

December 20, 2012

I woke up in the morning and two MFM Specialists came to see me. I was hopeful they'd have some good ideas to help me. But again, they told me to terminate. They had been my last hope. Soon thereafter my temperature started to climb. When it reached 100.4F I no longer had a choice. The doctors said I had an infection and would be induced. They started me on Misoprostol that morning. I saw my baby alive one last time on the ultrasound. He looked so healthy. Great heartbeat, strong movement. I couldn't believe these doctors were going to end his life.

December 19, 2012

I went in for an ultrasound. It turns out I had indeed ruptured the membrane of the presenting baby.  The baby had no fluid left. And the baby's heart had stopped beating. My baby was dead. The remaining baby looked amazing. Strong heart beat, good movement. We were saddened beyond belief that we lost one child. Our sole solace was that at least we had one baby alive and well.

That evening around 8:30pm, I started feeling a lot of pain. It felt like very intense menstrual cramps. My doctors had told me menstrual-like pain was normal since the blood was irritating the uterus so I didn't think too much of it. However, the pain started intensifying and coming in at regular intervals. I started counting the pain. It would last 30-40 seconds and come in every 2-3 minutes. Never having delivered a baby before, I couldn't be sure what I was experiencing. But deep down I knew what it was. And I didn't want it to be true. So I turned off the lights and fell asleep.

I woke up 3 hours later. I couldn't hide from the pain anymore. It stopped coming in at regular intervals. Now it was just there and wouldn't go away. I went to the bathroom thinking perhaps I was constipated. I sat on the toilet and pushed. I felt a sense of déjà vu. I told myself, "If I deliver my baby now, I'm going to do it right this time." Sure enough, I soon see a mass coming out of my vagina. This time, however, I knew right away what it was. I pushed and said, "Oh honey, honey. Don't be scared. You're Mama's got you." I delivered a beautiful baby girl. Her mouth, however, was wide open and she was clutching her neck as if she had been gasping for air when her fluid ran out. She looked so sad and pained. My heart broke. My poor baby girl.

I then realized the other baby was still inside and I needed to get help right away. I wrapped my daughter in tissues and put her in a tissue box. My husband drove like a maniac to the hospital. We got there and I jumped out, tissue box in tow, while my husband parked the car. I ran inside screaming, "Help me! Please someone help me! I need a wheel chair! I need to get to Labor and Delivery." It was past midnight and the lobby was empty except for a security guard who came to my aid.

I get to Labor and Delivery and I take a big sigh of relief. I am here. I still have a baby alive inside of me. The doctors will help me. I am taken to a room and my vitals are checked. Then five young doctors come into the room. I don't even get a chance to speak. They said, "You delivered one baby. The other is still inside. We need to induce you to terminate the pregnancy. The risk of infection is too high." I couldn't believe it. My world came crashing down. I could barely see straight. My thoughts were scrambled yet I managed to say, "But I've read case studies.. I've read about the stitches... The cerclage.. About delayed interval deliveries. There must be something you can do." They shook their heads. I refused an induction and they left. They didn't do anything for me. No antibiotics. They didn't even ligate and tuck the cord that was hanging from my vagina after I delivered my daughter. I was left with a nearly 10 inch cord dangling from me that would dip into the toilet every time I had to use the bathroom. There was no way I could avoid an infection like this.

December 15, 2012

The bleeding continued, bright red with moderate flow without cease. My doctors are not advocates of bedrest. So I tried to just take it easy anyways. In the afternoon, however, I felt well enough to help my husband put dirty clothes in bags for him to wash. I bent down to retrieve an empty bag. When I stood back up, I noticed a gush come out of me. I dropped the bag and ran to the bathroom expecting to find a ton of blood. But to my horror it was not blood.  My heart stood still. It was clear fluid. I was only 14 weeks 6 days.

We raced to Labor and Delivery. The doctor on call did a fern test to test for amniotic fluid. It was negative. She ran a nitrizine test for amniotic fluid which was positive, but unreliable because of the blood present. She did an ultrasound and saw both babies alive and well. No noticeable decrease in fluid from either one. The only disturbing find was she noticed a gush of fluid during the speculum examination. She concluded I had not broken my water after all. She said it was probably just plasma serum from the hematoma and sent me home. I joked to my husband, "These babies seem to have nine lives!"

December 12, 2012

Today was our wedding anniversary and we had the best present in the world. We went in for an ultrasound to see the babies! And they looked fantastic! The bleeding from the subchorionic hematoma never stopped, it just tapered down to a very light, tannish colored flow mainly present in the evenings. But the bleeding didn't seem to be affecting the babies. The ultrasound technician said, "You must be so relieved." And for a few short hours, I was.

When we got home, I noticed the bleeding got heavier and bright red. It looked different. It had a shine to it. And it was coming in earlier than usual. I would usually only notice it at the end of the day. I sensed something was wrong. Very wrong.

October 21, 2012

I dragged myself with a heavy heart and tissue box in tow to the clinic. I knew what they were going to say. But to our complete surprise, the babies were still there! They looked great and had strong heart beats. Our elation, however, was very short lived. The doctor looked grim. He said each baby had a very large subchorionic hematoma that was causing significant placental separation. He said there was a greater than 50% chance I'd lose the pregnancy. A sense of doom set in. I tried to be hopeful. As my husband put it,  "50% is better than 0%". But deep down I felt this was not going to have a happy ending after all.

October 20, 2012

Today had been an ordinary day. Maybe I tried to get too many things done. I did feel very tired and short of breath throughout the day but I just attributed it to the pregnancy. At 8:30pm, I went for my shower. Halfway through I noticed the tub started filling with blood. I thought, "Where could that be coming from?" I looked around and traced the blood back to between my thighs. That's when it clicked... It was the babies. I jumped out of the shower and called my doctor. She said to come first thing in the morning for an ultrasound to see what was going on. I lay in bed terrified but somehow managed to fall asleep. 

At 12:30am, I woke up in tremendous pain and noticed I was laying in a pool of blood. I could barely walk to the bathroom. When I sat in the toilet, a stream of blood poured out of me. When I looked closer, I noticed a large piece of red mass coming out of my vagina. I pulled it out. I was in shock and without thinking threw it in the toilet. Then it hit me... That was probably one of the babies. I tried to find it but the toilet was such a deep shade of red by that point that I couldn't see the bottom. I was devastated. I had just lost one of the babies. I went back to bed praying the other baby would survive.

At 4:30am, it all happened again. I woke up in a pool of blood and with intense pain. Back to the bathroom I went. The stream of blood came and then a splash. This time the large red mass fell out on its  own. I had now lost the other baby. I could not go back to sleep. The tears wouldn't let me.

October 15, 2012

I went in for bloodwork on October 3rd. The hCG level was 1,230. They told us it was an awesome number. Two days later the hCG more than doubled to 2,706. I had a hunch there was more than one baby. On October 15, we went in for an ultrasound and saw two healthy little heart beats. We were so happy! We were over the moon! It was one of the happiest days of our lives. We left the clinic with huge smiles and even did a 'happy dance' in the elevator. We didn't stop smiling for days!

September 21, 2012

After the miscarriage, we took some time to heal. By September, we were ready to try IVF # 2. We were left with only 3 vials of sperm so we decided to go all out this time to try to get it right. I went to acupuncture, did massages, yoga, participated in a Mind Body program. We ended up again with two lovely 5 day blastocysts which we transferred September 21, 2012. We were very confident this would work and we'd finally have our happy ending.